Climate of Stress
Interestingly, my life is around the objectives of enjoyment of motorcycles. My daughter is well enough to ride her second one in last two years which I suppose she is also eager to trade on it. Freezingly I may say, may be shaking, losing quality of sleep and a habit of wondering all the time, I ended up as a stressed person. This was an interesting paradox to discover for me as I was giving out stress management techniques and trainings to people. A paradox of “teaching stress management” and “having stress”
After 2 years I started to learn the climate of being a mom of a motorcyclist daughter in a volatile, uncertain, complex world with ambiguity. Neither I changed nor she, but we learned from each other: how to cope with the loved one “enjoying what she does” and the loved one “cares so much”
Today, after a while I find myself interested in watching, observing, supporting and caring motorcyclists all around. This interests helps me overcome my stress. Of course I am using an application to see my daughter’s location still but it is as it is ha?
The moral of the situation is, you cannot control everything. Even a bit. You only can control yourself.
Thanks to Stephen Covey about the “circles of impact”, though without this I could hardly manage my stress.
We are under stress all the time. There I found two dimensions:
*Do we want to manage our stress well?
*Are we calm?
So, lets take me for example: If I took no initiative to understand, do not accept this challenge from my daughter and I do not wish her to have her enthusiasm. This would not change the situation. Isnt it? She would either ride that…
It was actually awkwardly hard to take the initiative to understand, accept the challenge and grab her enthusiasm. I thought and thought a lot, still do, to be aware of the situations and uncontrolled events that might happen. But thats life and courage after all and more I learn, more I can handle to manage my stress because I become calmer and relaxed (average)
I should have told at the first sentences that I was afraid of the motorcyles and now I am not…
In most of the cultures, there’s a belief if something is broken than it is out of value.
When there is a crack in a porcelain vase, for instance, we may throw that vase out. In some cultures, keeping cracked things in porcelain bring bad luck to the home. So we separate the imperfect because it doesn’t fit our relation with perfection. If the vase was a human being, would you not be interested in him/her because of an imperfect situation? I hope you would. Otherwise, this would ruin your relationship. But I think we have a tendency to like perfection and we don’t like getting imperfect results.
In Japanese art and culture, it is believed that the damaged object is more valuable than itself. Instead of hiding the imperfection, they repair it with gold dust with respect so that we can get lessons from our cracks/pains and we become stronger.
Life is not moving continuously in a straight line. It is not a sweet and warm wind surrounding us. It is sometimes against the current, stormy, no eyesight and there may be no wind beneath the wings. The life we think and the life we find may not be as perfect as we hope for. There is no perfect love, no perfect beauty, no perfect friend and no perfect work. With all the imperfections, the wonders of the world wouldn’t be so breathtaking. While perfection is all about embracing our imperfection to strive for better, imperfection is simply a part of being. Just as the arts of Japan, called Kintsugi. The highlighted cracks in a piece of poetry rather than hiding them.
Today, we live in an ecosystem in relation with perfection. Nothing and noone is perfect and actually this is exactly why we are here for. I think we should look at ourselves and consider what we can transform for a better situation. This may be a vase, this may be our ownself, this may be a loved one or this may be a group of people working together, an organisation. What are the cracks? Where is the need to fix? Why do we remodel, reskill, repair and make it living? The less becomes more now, ist it?
There is a potential to create a sustainable future for our world and the life exists on it. Like pieces of cracked plate, we are all connected but all fragile.
Life is a gift. Well then, are we aware that we make ourselves miserable for things we cannot control? There are many things we cannot control but real problems are in fact not things we cannot control. Real problems come out when we are ineffective despite the fact that we actually have the power to make the change. As Kurt Vonnegut says; “Enjoy the little things in life, because one day you will look back and realize they were the big things”
Leadership first starts with in our personal space. When we cannot manage dilemmas, conflicts and emotions the situations and environments starts to rule our world. Dilemma often emerges to meet our own expectations and others. If we cannot build mutual benefit relation then unnecessary sacrifices, dominant approaches and/ or indifference and/or disinterest surfaces. And naturally, this negative attitude harms the organisation and human resources.
Let me share few concerns I tend to hear quite often:
-I love the people in my team. They all have unique qualities. However if my boss keeps treating me inconsiderately like this, I may not find the energy essential for developing my team.
-Any minor flaw upsets me, even though everything is going right. I cannot coordinate my team. My new appointed assistant is calmer and practical. I feel insufficient when looking at her/him. This enervation has caused me to bring work problems to home. As if everything is great at home. I know I will end up regretting but quitting work and sparing some time for myself and my family seems like the best choice.
-I keep presenting information about new areas to my boss. But my boss pays no attention to my ideas regarding the development of my department for three years. I am bored I guess. I know I will regret it but I think I will support peoples search since I believe people who consistently developing deserve better places.
-I keep my glass full so others can also benefit. When my glass is empty I refill it. I know I will end up regretting but I am tired of finding the resources. I am going to leave the glass empty from now on. They can find their water from somewhere else.
-He/ She does not understand me. Looking at my performance level I deserve better. What is his/her expectation? He/She didn’t even say good morning yesterday, when I walked into his/her room; he/she didn’t even look at me. We get the same pay; I work harder than him/her. He wants things from me and doesn’t even say thank you. The new comer must be a connection. I guess he/she already discarded me. I wish there was more support.
Managers with self-leadership skills are:
– not captive of ones feelings
– focuses on people and meaning that will be co-created
– doesn’t make sudden and unplanned decisions
– strive to be determent and forward looking even though everything goes wrong
– result oriented
– cares about people’s ideas and brings solutions
– sees into the future, takes risks
– knows how to do the job, even though he/she does not do the job in practice
– notices things that nobody else notices
– knows people he/she works with and influences them.
– keeps his/her loyalty to his/her organisation
Leader is expected to bring the organisation to meet its targets and efficient. In order to benefit your organisation, faith and effort to constant development should be established, knowing oneself and self-acceptance is needed.
In other words; people are not born leaders, people learn to be leaders as they climb the steps one by one. You can choose to be a leader. It is about how you use information and experiences gathered in your journey since your childhood.
The followers expect the leader to show them respect, find solutions to their problems, motivate the team and be informed. They hope to be valued, and receive mutual benefit. Leaders realise this through “empathy”, “strategic vision”, and “effective communication”, “team management”, “ delegation ” and “feedback”.
Through these graphics we offer recruitment, development, succession planning, employee engagement and retention road maps for individuals and teams. Harrison Assessments International uses the trademark Paradox Technology analysis methods. Graphs above display some of the required traits for leadership.
Personal Note: I would like to thank Defne Akman for the translation of this essay.
Change is an indispensible part of our lives that forces us to deal with the Notion of uncertainty. We react differently to change in order to maintain our emotional balance and productivity. We are human after all and our emotions inside have certain logic and cause and effect relation. However stress is the most important outcome that change brings into existence in our bodies.
Even though being aware of our emotions and referring to them is a healthy approach, not being able to manage our emotions in the times of stress results us to be overwhelmed with stress. Stress is a reaction that our bodies take to the environment, change and events on life. Stress causes a lot more diseases than modern medicine encounters. And we still keep on embracing it instead of beating it, even though we know stress is bad for health. Everybody has a limit. Not everyone tolerates the stress same way.
In business world, stress experienced by the work force effects both individual and team and organisations productivity extremely negative. If the employees are stressful, they tend to behave more different compared to normal circumstances. When stressful, we behave in a way where others have difficulty to understand. This behaviour reflects upon all our relationship and to the organisation like a virus. When stress fades if we can question ourselves, we may try to mend the broken pieces. Or we may choose to cut off communication and withdraw.
It is our responsibility as HR professionals and managers at organisations to deal with people who had problems in labour relations and stress behaviour at organisation, to coach them to a healthier psychology and mend the broken relationships. In the act of decreasing productivity, unavoidable course of events we may have to give a warning and/or disqualify individual for their negative behaviours.
It is possible to foresee these situations by making analysis regarding coping with stress. Let’s take a look at a management team that works together.
Elif (B) is at the “Stressed Achievement” quadrant. Her development area is to be in the “Poised Achievement” quadrant. Elif is recipient to stress but even though she is taken with stress she can perform. Most important factor in her performance is Elif’s tolerating pressure trait score is high. In brief if Elif doesn’t have a challenging target, she can mess around do other things until the deadline. Only when deadline approaches she can have a dominant energy to meet the target in a flash. But when she is bored with oppression, she can feel tired, would like to pull away, leave unfinished business. Properly speaking, Elif’s high score in not only “Tolerance to Pressure” but “Managing Stress Successfully” and “Ease” demonstrates she can do “Stress Management” successfully. As we know we cannot give Elif the entire responsibility expecting her to do the job somehow. She has a development area in “Balanced Success”.
Everyone is different from one another. If you take into account that each employee can react totally different under stress and fight back the stress, this can help you with better management.
My next article will be about personal stress areas.
Personal Note: I would like to thank Defne Akman for the translation of this essay.
Within this study, can you tell me about a stress you experienced at work? You can e-mail me, your inquiries will be treated anonymously. I will respond and assess each incident in its own right, anonymously here.
This article is for the women whom are facing violence and the gentleman whom are in such a feeling of despair and shame about violence. #ÖzgecanAslan
This was not just like a “pervert crime” the news tell… And I was not the only woman victim.
This is how my story happened: I took a minibus. Everyone left and I was there by myself. Probably, the driver “he” noticed that my phone charge was off and he took advantage of this. I realized him changing the road. I began asking why and then began shouting. Then he pulled over to the dark land. He stopped the vehicle. He swept down on me. I tried to resist with my pepper sprey. My fingernails were roasted by his skin. He was armed. I was resisting still. He stabbed me repeatedly as if I am a monster. Then he hit me with the lever. Then he cut my wrists. My blood was everywhere. Then others came. They set me on fire. They wanted to burn everything and escape. Their eyes were covered with rage and fear. They were feeling themselves right to do these to me. All these happened because of my resistance to the three minute of pleasure. I knew, I refused, it was because of my beautiful outlook and the symbol of my innocence can be filled with holes. If I didn’t resist, this pervertness would’t be heard.
If I haven’t had resisted,he may have told this creepy lust to his friends. His friends would damn him and say “you ruined your three years for an instant pleasure”. If he weren’t arrested, they would probably say “well done” to him. He would have found guilty just because he was arrested.
I am not dead and I will not die. I am not a Park name neither a politic party symbol, I am not a daily agenda. I am just a woman trying to live, have education for a better life. I am Can (I am life)
Wear black or red, defend execution or castration. Being aware is not enough, take challenge and fight against it. Like me. Do whatever you can. Think, write, talk, draw, move, think, teach or act. Don’t leave me alone. Unless, you don’t struggle to change the paradigm for violence against women, you will not be helping me. Eventually, I will die like others have died.
Most of us believed that leadership comes from birth and it was also a political adjective. Well, this may be true for old times, because leadership was a privilege for the families and was passing as a heritage from father to son. The families had very strong social barriers that do not allow any person to be a leader.
By 20th century, with industrial change movement, sociologists began to focus on the leadership concept at their researches and we began to think that leadership does not come from the fact that the gene family or society! So, barriers had been removed
Leadership was actually a little more complex situation. If the leadership does not pass our genes, we had to have and develop some leadership qualities.
So, What qualities?
In the first level of leadership, there is a high caliber professional that is a problem solver and drives for results. In the second level, there is a contributing team member who is a good communicator and has a learning agility. In the third level, there is resilience and perseverance. The leader is innovative and competent in managing. In the fourth level of leadership, the leader knows how to impact and influence. The leader is effective and a strategic thinker.
Finally, in the fifth level of leadership; there is an executive who is energizing and leading people. The leaders show personal humility and professional will, they are selfless.
For the people who aren’t yet level five, work will always be first. They get the fame, fortune, power, adulation an so on.. Work will never be about what they build, create and contribute.
For the people who have the potential to become level five will develop under the right circumstances by; self reflection, a mentor, loving parents, a significant life experience and etc.
These qualities are competencies for leadership. Any of the competencies have strength in itself. There is always a need for the balance. Example; Experimenting without persistence is unbalanced and persistence without experimenting is meaningless for innovation. That’s what we call this as “balanced versality”.
12 Tips for self-assessment
• Respect yourself while striving to improve
Be confident and clear about ideas and consider all issues
• Be straightforward and direct while being respectful to others
• Express you needs while being helpful and conscious of others’ needs
• Be highly self-motivated while managing stress and respecting others
• Be persistent in overcoming obstacles and trying new things
• Be logical while at the same time value intuition
• Be organized while at the same time adapt to changes
• Be willing to take risks and carefully analyze the risks for pitfalls
• Enforce rules and guide performance while maintaining positive relationships
• Be responsible for decisions while collaborating with others
• Maintain a positive attitude while being mindful of potential problems
Harrison Assessments International, Paradoxical Leadership, 09.2014
I’ve written this in a 20 seconds of moment!
I am willing to remind my essay(2014) for those who have lost their motivation during the pandemic 2020, for those also who feels trapped and think there is no way out.
“I’m comfortable and I like sitting right here, why should I go with this? What do you want me to do? You’re disturbing me! Moreover, this is something that nobody needs, nobody gets that!” Said Wozniack, to Steve Jobs. Noone needs a computer.
And it was impossible to discourage Jobs… It was impossible to accept for a man who invented frequency counter circuits and the parts for the telephone directory at the age of 12. It was also impossible to sit down and wait for a man who has called Bill Hewlett who was in charge of HP for this invention. After a 20minute telephone conversation he got more than what he needed; The parts for the frequency device and a summer job! There wasn’t a word for Jobs like “giving up”. He also has said to Wos; “how can people buy anything if they haven’t seen it?”
In today’s competitive work of life, we live in a risky mood. We need to take risks to achieve our goals more than ever… By taking risks, we need to move from our comfort zone. It’s like opening a door like Alice in Wonderland. We step outside of our comfort zone to challenge, to welcome the next step, and hug the battle, although facing and getting disturbed by many uncertainties.
It’s a matter of making a choice with courage or not. This is it..
Courage is something striker which lies beneath decision making, result orientation, and leadership when it is meaningful.
If we think of any time in our lives that we have stepped out from our comfort zone e.g for education, for work, or for personal reasons, from the things we were accustomed to living, we may remember that feeling. That feeling is a shock feeling. It’s a shock to face difficulties, complexities, and uncertainties for a while. To change a job, to be promoted, to lose a job, to change a city or a country, to change a habit, to move, to accept the death of a loving person, to fall in love or to start something new. They are all stressful. Stress is something that we cannot live with it all the time. We whether show anger or hide in our tranquil area or lose health. We deceive our balance when we feel stress. But stress is also controllable when we now ourselves, and helps sometimes to achieve. Otherwise, we can sit comfortably. Somethings will change anyway?!
We can find or create new opportunities only by stepping out of our secure areas so that we can develop and in today’s world, “hoping” to achieve is a paradox of risk of failure and is not easily gifted without disturbance from comfort.
Ok, I’ve no doubt for “fear of failure” or “ fear of facing failure” stops us, prevents us from taking action. But, we need to ask a question for our personal coaching; Do I prevent myself from taking action? Am I stressed? What makes me stress? Do I prevent myself from building relationships? Is it “the conditions” or is it “just us”?
A few questions for selfie coaching:
Do I try a new way of solutions when I encounter problems?
Do I search for new opportunities to change or improve my conditions proactively?
Do I take the risk of being open and vulnerable or I’m trying to keep my strength and pride?
Do I really ask myself what I want to or do I only think of what would people give to me?
Do I make the effort to be recognized about my talents or do I wait to be recognized?
Do I criticize everything all the time?
I can easily say now, willing to take risks does not mean that we will try everything! Let’s look into the lives of successful people; The most common trait is that; Success is never promised. It never guaranteed. People focus on their strengths and take the step. So that success is created and earned.
There was a movie, I have watched a few years ago. The man was telling his son about his life-changing decision was taken insanely in 20 seconds. It’s insane but, sometimes it’s sufficient time to take action in mind. If we think too much, we cannot leave our securities.
Now think in advance! What will you be doing in ten years, or five? With whom? Where? Why? How? How would you like to become in ten years?
Ten years’ time from today, there will be people who will be achieving their own goals. We do not know who they are, but we know that they will be the ones who will act proactively. They will be the ones who will be taking the risk of failure, looking stupid and they will be the people widening their opinions when everything is even okay. They will be the people who believe in “never taking a risk is a big risk”
The question is; Would you step outside from your comfort zone for 20 sec?
In professional life, we are endeavoring to fulfill the expectations of others. It’s just for the sake of achieving success in for many years. Let’s face it, the others, except for the fact that we perceive ourselves are “external factors”. The awards reached, the successes, money, status acquired are on the side of the outer environment.
It’s nice to have accomplishments , especially the way that we believe in and have spent years for. As we struggled to stand in order to exist in the outside world. So, now lets ask a question: What’s going on in our inner world while performing for high intensions?
Myself (my personality)
- Me from the eyes of others
- Me from my own eyes
Recently, I met a Turkish business woman for career consultancy. Her name is Fusun and she is about to get retired from a multinational company. A young woman was sitting in front of me, incredibly nice and not showing her age. This well maintained woman was about her late forties.
However, I could observe Fusun’s each state of passion to work! She was declaring that she very often travels for business occasions and she manages two hundred people. Meanwhile, she underlines the importance given to the family and talks about her responsibilities upon. She has lived as a “super mom” for years, finally her children stated to read at the university successfully. Although their marriage had ended with her husband, they’ve succeeded in keeping the “best friend” status. When she spoke about her personal life outside of work, I found the opportunity to ask her own goals.
She responded quickly as I was not expecting. There were some health issues she mentioned. Her main target is to overcome these issues. I asked what they were, and she came with an answer that she’got panic attack. She’s been seeing a doctor, and has some medical prescription right now to decide whether use or not.
Touching down when retirement gets in the corner, life is ending ….
Over the years, the role of being a successful business woman, as well as a “super mom” and “wife” Fusun, who had embraced the role of being “results-oriented” ; outside her family, friends and business focus, could not find anything to motivate her on self and she was a stranger to herself. However, everyone around Füsun knew her as an “extraordinary” person, rewardingly. But she was listening them as if they were talking about a famous actress. “It’s not like …”
It was obvious, she has got used to be seeing herself through the eyes of others, not her own eyes, shehas had forgotten inner self. Who she was and what she was doing in? Over the years, the role of being a successful business woman, as well as a “super mom” and “wife” Fusun, who had embraced the role of being “results-oriented” ; outside her family, friends and business focus, could not find anything to motivate her on self and she was a stranger to herself.
Retirement, children’s growth, end of marriage have decreased the expectations associated with the house and she began questioning her own identity. Accordingly, the “loneliness” ,”self-examination”and trying to be different from her appear tired of her effort. Nevertheless, still there were no need to take those antidepressants…
As a Professional,as a Mother and as a Wife , she was “told to detect” perfectly through the years. She successfully held the all the goals expected from her to today. But today, she was facing with an inner stimuli and it was as important as it was her external stimuli. …
Rather than the exception in this case, most of the people are facing with similar problems. The point today is, facing an unknown or forgotton inner self and lack of motivation to continue the potential through without external.
“Cannot we come to a point when bells begin to ring?”
Lets face the external factors
- Family, Friends
- The current situation
- Wealth,look and outfit
- Environment, “have got” issues
- Being social, people following us
- Internet and social media, video games, television,
- Service and charitable organizations, social responsibility
What are the inner factors?
- Obtain self-knowledge and personal purposes
- As well as self-reflect
- Vital to realize the objectives of, and intent to integrate
- Provide empathy, manage stress, understand others, to accept and support the process of solution
- Believe that creativity and develop a sense of their own creativity
So lets say for example, being an intimate and friendly attitude can be perceived as very often related in the work of others! Or, the person who appears cold and distant, may be “cautious” as a result of her experiences! A person who enjoys being lonely may seem very friendly and warm and “being helpful” to others can be mixed with a sense of ambition from the outside. And we can imagine that strong-minded people, may not find solutions to the problems in personal:) Examples can be a lot more …
Neither of us are “super”, nor “defeat” in life, each of us are not … There are some fields which we are “strong” and “weak”. The importance is to have a “peaceful me feeling” . The matter is” to be as you look, or be as you are.”
Let’s not forget: we can not be a superpower human… 🙂 It’s just a fantasy with an itching stretch costume!